I have been a highly effective person at times in my life. You don't become successful in a creative field without working diligently. It simply doesn't happen. Likewise, it's about impossible to succeed in any endeavor without concerted effort. I don't mean to brag, but when I'm on, I'm really on.
Then there are the other times. Take recently, for example. Ask me how much I've written during my allotted 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. writing time in the last month. Never mind that things are jumping in my writing career, and that I have an amazing editor who is interested in seeing my next novel. I have not let any of that stop me in my quest to fritter away hour upon hour.
I couldn't sleep last night. I was just thinking about how I am doing everything exactly wrong. I then compounded that fact by focusing my thoughts on it, thereby making sure I wouldn't sleep more than four hours. As everyone knows, the best way to ensure a highly ineffective day is to start it with a few hours of fitful sleep followed by several hours of turning and tossing.
Want to be like me? Here are some tips on how to be highly ineffective:
1. Allow whatever comes across your desk at any given moment to grab your attention. Never mind if you are having a writing breakthrough. By all means, go to Gmail when you see the notification pop up on the bottom right of your screen. After all, a guy you played softball with in 2003, whom you haven't spoken to in nearly a decade, has written you! Immediately open and respond to unrelated, non-crucial emails sent by people you barely know.
2. Eat crap. Potato chips and Ritz crackers. Jellybeans left over from a party you threw. Anything salty or sweet or satisfying. And do it not during meals or after meals as a dessert, but as a snack anytime you feel stressed or bored. Keep these on your desk while you try to write. For exercise, swim two laps, or maybe six. Stop when you get bored or something else occurs to you or you have an itch on your nose.
3. Play Words With Friends. With four people. At once. Because one game of Scrabble at a time is just not enough. That's why in the olden days, people would keep four Scrabble boards going on their living room table. That way, if you have a free moment, you can check on you game's progress and think about word combinations rather than work, writing, or your loved ones.
4. Follow and get invested in politics. Get angry when politicians lie. Because this is new, people! In the olden days, politicians were kind-hearted folks who only cared about the lives of their constituents. They were never selfish or power hungry. When people use religion or fear as a means to keep power, take it personally. It's about you, not them. They are wonderful. Not finding enough to make you feel enraged? Go to the comments for any article about gay people or black people or illegal immigrants on foxnews.com and read each one carefully.
5. Mindlessly surf the internet. Hey, remember that song you used to hear on the radio 24 years ago by that guy, the one with the video where the white guy and the black guy took a helicopter to a studio and then got dressed and performed the song live somewhere? What was the black guy's name, and what is he doing now?
6. Whine and rant internally. Think of all the things in your life that aren't exactly the way you want them, and rant inside your brain about them. How come no one is listening to Haley Reinhart's music? Why are television shows so snarky these days? Why won't your dog bring the ball back to you when you're playing fetch? How come this guy is driving below the speed limit in the left lane? Wave your fist at the world and all the things you cannot change.
7. Even if you do all these things that highly ineffective people do, there will be times when you feel discouraged, sad, empty, maybe even angry. When you feel these things, watch a movie on Netflix while eating slices of salami, or go to sleep! The feelings are sure to just drift away. They always do!
7. Even if you do all these things that highly ineffective people do, there will be times when you feel discouraged, sad, empty, maybe even angry. When you feel these things, watch a movie on Netflix while eating slices of salami, or go to sleep! The feelings are sure to just drift away. They always do!
Add a comment