tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73597800945075563252024-03-12T21:29:50.561-07:00Waldorf to your AstoriaAuthor Bill Konigsberg's blog.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.comBlogger507125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-797352612129602712013-01-12T13:25:00.002-08:002013-01-12T13:25:22.157-08:00The blog formerly known as......Wadorf to Your Astoria is done. Through. Finished.<br />
<br />
This will be the final post here.<br />
<br />
But fear not! If you go over to my brand-spankin' new website, billkonigsberg.com, you will see that I am still blogging over there. And on that site, powered by the fine folks at wordpress, you may comment using your Facebook account.<br />
<br />
Sorry, Blogger. We liked you, but we needed more. We needed actual comments!<br />
<br />
So thanks to those of you who perused this blog regularly.<br />
<br />
Come join us over at billkonigsberg.com!Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-70127493602201542862012-12-27T09:00:00.000-08:002012-12-27T09:00:16.259-08:00To Recap...Just four more days in 2012... Hard to believe how quickly --<br />
<br />
Who the hell am I kidding?<br />
<br />
This was the slowest year in the history of man. I don't mean that in a bad way. It just went slowly. To me, last December seems like years ago.<br />
<br />
It was a great, slow year:<br />
<br />
1. My agent sold my next book, Openly Straight, to Arthur A. Levine Books (Scholastic).<br />
2. I got involved in a very cool project at ASU, to be explained/described in due time.<br />
3. I have been hard at work on a new book that is going to change my life. Hopefully a few other lives, as well.<br />
4. Chuck and I have perhaps doubled our circle here in Arizona. We have new friends we feel extremely grateful for, and we have old (not in age, necessarily) friends whom we love dearly.<br />
5. I have spent my days with an increasingly spectacular puppy named Mabel.<br />
6. I got to play softball again for the first time in many years, and while that injury-plagued debacle ended poorly, I had a great time while doing it.<br />
7. The great work-for-my-brother experiment ended amicably. I did good work for him, he treated me well, and we agreed that remaining plugged in and connected while working remotely was too difficult. We remain members in good standing in our own mutual admiration society.<br />
7. I have good health, enough money, a comfortable place to lay my head at night, people I love, people who love me, wonderful family, and an avenue for self-expression that actually makes me money.<br />
<br />
What more could I want?<br />
<br />
Thank you to each and every one of you who sent a kind thought my way this year. Thanks to everyone who made me laugh. Sincerest appreciation to those who shared new ideas and experiences with me.<br />
<br />
Here is to a great, slow 2013!Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-59912267046034234992012-12-21T07:32:00.000-08:002012-12-21T07:32:15.413-08:00Finding the perfect partnerPeople often ask me: Bill, how did you find the perfect man?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPD4O_ZBgMWPRqlh9Jc2aJygke3aHCklT7e02d6daLXsCM4NjnwdtKpwKrrYMPIEUBEsi7gPz_mzAV_nJDPEWiiNQWUV3yupa2XWiY46BE3uQ6ckML-zD2F8LlulqpfRXJWk8y4vOHh2U/s1600/billchuckaz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPD4O_ZBgMWPRqlh9Jc2aJygke3aHCklT7e02d6daLXsCM4NjnwdtKpwKrrYMPIEUBEsi7gPz_mzAV_nJDPEWiiNQWUV3yupa2XWiY46BE3uQ6ckML-zD2F8LlulqpfRXJWk8y4vOHh2U/s320/billchuckaz.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chuck and Bill when they are A) Younger and B) Chunkier</td></tr>
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Okay, no one outside of my head has ever asked me that. While people do often say nice stuff about Chuck, about him being handsome and funny and kind, I have found that people rarely ask questions:<br />
<br />
A) Like the aforementioned outside of bad movies and trashy novels<br />
B) Of me in general in which advice of any kind is sought.<br />
<br />
So while this has not been asked of me, I do feel as though I have some expertise on the subject. Chuck and I went on our first date nine years ago this coming Monday, and it is my belief that he is, basically, perfect. For me, of course. For others, he might be a little tall. I don't know.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, here are a few rules that I might offer about finding that perfect person, as well as some ways to tell if your person is perfect for you, should you already have them.<br />
<br />
1) Become friends first. Truly. I know this is the age of hookups and I personally don't have a problem with that. And those of you who know me know that I am NOT EXACTLY a prude... but in my experience, the only relationship I've ever had that lasted was the one where we were good friends first. Chuck and I met in June of 2003, and our first date was Christmas Eve of that year. Did it take away some of the excitement? Yes. But it also solidified the fact that we LIKED each other as people. I cannot stress this enough. Find someone you LIKE as a person, and date them.<br />
<br />
2) Listen to them tell a funny story before you buy. So important. Pay attention to whether you laugh or not. Do the same things make you laugh? Is his sense of humor creative? Is it mean? Does it meander when you like to get to the point quickly, or does it get to the point too fast and you like a bit more of a journey? I have a friend who cannot tell a story without telling you every piece of minutia that occurs to him along the way. I have to limit our social engagements because of this, and if I were married to him, I would be constantly checking his net worth and new and creative ways to kill him.<br />
<br />
3) Look for the ones with a little extra meat on their bones. I personally like a little extra cushion, but even if I didn't, this is a terrific strategy. For one thing, it means you will be focusing on the important stuff, like what's in their heart. But as a bonus, it reminds us that people's bodies change. Especially weight. If you decide that slender (or fat, by the way) is a top priority, what will happen when that person gains (or loses) weight? I was not terribly focused on that, so when Chuck decided to lose more than 70 pounds, it was just an interesting perk rather than a game changer.<br />
<br />
Here, by the way, are a few ways to ascertain that you've already netted the perfect guy for you:<br />
<br />
1) You know exactly what they're going to say before they say it, and you don't want to beat them with a broom handle for saying it.<br />
<br />
2) They sing loudly while listening to music with earphones while cleaning, and you smile because you think it's sweet.<br />
<br />
3) You find the same amount of joy in laughing at the same stupid things.<br />
<br />
Case in point on Number 3 is the reason I am writing this today. Last night, we were at a choir concert at a cathedral. On the left side of the stage there was a small balcony jutting out with a red curtain. I noticed this and pointed it out to Chuck. I said, "Wouldn't it be awesome if Waldorf and Statler from the Muppets appeared and made comments throughout the show?"<br />
<br />
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<br />
He cracked up. We then spent the next 10 minutes coming up with exactly what they would say:<br />
<br />
Waldorf: I heard these guys were called "The Bach Choir" at one point.<br />
Statler: The Bach Choir. I say send this choir bach!<br />
Both: Ahh hah hah hah hah!<br />
<br />
I knew that through the whole concert, he was feeling giddy about that stupid joke, and I'm pretty sure he knew that I was thinking of other things the two Muppet curmudgeons would say. And we didn't have to say anything; we could just grab each other's hand and squeeze once in a while, and it was communicated. It was perfect.<br />
<br />
We put it on Facebook and here's the kicker: Almost NO ONE ELSE thought this was funny. That's fine. It just proves my point. Find the one person on earth who thinks you're hilarious even when you're totally predictable and not particularly laughworthy to the rest of the world. Marry that person. You will be so glad you did.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-32375669567062205262012-12-10T07:27:00.001-08:002012-12-10T07:27:03.779-08:00Now Me vs. Later MeAbout four months ago, I took a home test and found that my blood sugar was in the "pre-diabetes" range.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can't say I was shocked, because it wasn't the first time I'd had that result. But I was horrified, because it was rising from the last time I'd had it checked. I decided that if I wanted to avoid having diabetes, I needed to change my diet and my exercise.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I did both. I cut out sugar (other than fruit) completely, and I exercised quite a bit, walking upwards of 15 miles a week and also going to the gym three times a week. I lost about 10 pounds and lowered my blood sugar to the "normal" range.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I felt great. Not just about doing something that had made me healthier in the long term, but I felt good on a daily basis.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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<div>
Then came the holidays. And a work obligation that took me out of town. And then I just forgot, or made other plans or changed the rules. I started ordering whatever I wanted at restaurants. Last week, I ate a bag of cotton candy, because I wanted to. I haven't tested to see where my blood sugar is, because I don't really want to know. If I had to guess, I'm probably back in the low "pre-diabetes" range.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I don't know what it is that makes me forget about my long-term health and focus solely on my immediate wants and needs. But I do know that I am typically of two different brains: Later Bill vs. Now Bill. It is clear that this is just a moment in time, and that, God willing, I may have countless more moments. And those future moments can be made better by choices I make today. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Will I go to the gym during lunch, or watch another episode of Parenthood on Netflix? Will I have fried chicken for lunch, or a bowl of low sodium soup? The right choices give me a better chance of good health later, and I am a person who HATES being sick. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yet sometimes, I pull into Popeye's anyway, and I bring home my chicken and sit in front of the TV and watch that dreamy Peter Crouse. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have to assume this is universal, to some extent. It's the reason perfectly intelligent people take smoke breaks. It's how a person who knows about safe sex makes the choice in a split second to not practice it. It's why someone walks into a casino and spends $100 dollars that might otherwise cover a week's worth of food. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Because Now Me (Us) overwhelms our thoughts of Future Me (Us).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's the one time that the phrase "Life for the now" probably gets it wrong. I'm sure, in fact, that many people have used that as an excuse to screw (sometimes literally) Future Me (Us) out of, well, some of our future.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Today, I would like to remember to be mindful of Future Me. Especially when I choose what to eat, and what sort of exercise to do. Today, may I remember that Now Me has plenty of gifts, and doesn't need any more.</div>
Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-83843657795640864902012-10-31T08:18:00.001-07:002012-10-31T08:18:09.676-07:00The ShouldsTomorrow is the first day of <a href="http://www.nanowrimo.org/" target="_blank">NaNoWriMo</a>, also known as National Novel Writing Month. Every November, all sorts of writers take on the challenge of trying to write a draft of a novel in a month. Note that I say "Draft," because very, very few novels are finished in one draft, and while some writers might be able to draft and then revise a novel in a month, I don't think that's a very realistic goal.<br />
<br />
For me, especially.<br />
<br />
And it's too bad, because if anyone should try to finish a novel in the next month, it's me. All the stars are lining up for me. I have a new book coming out next year, I have an ever-expanding audience of interested readers which will certainly grow in the next 12 months, and I have a wonderful editor who is interested in seeing what I write next. So yes, I should endeavor to finish my current work-in-progress within the next 30 days.<br />
<br />
And I may try to do that. But just as likely, I will fail.<br />
<br />
Great attitude, huh?<br />
<br />
I actually think that it's not so much a matter of attitude as it is a matter of acceptance. Acceptance of my own process as a writer.<br />
<br />
It takes me a while to birth a novel. I know one successful author who can write a draft of a novel in 15 days and it's relatively clean. In 15 days, I'm generally spelunking through a creative cave, bumping into walls, opening doors that lead to ... nowhere special. Forget 15 days; with this current book, I'm still spelunking even though I started this process four months ago.<br />
<br />
I have written about 75 pages, but I feel as though the heart of the novel is still not yet pulsing. I thought I knew my main character(s), but every day that I attempt to write, I find that I am further and further from truly embodying them. They change. They adjust. They battle me at every step as I try to define them.<br />
<br />
"Don't stereotype me!" they yell. "Stop using me as a vehicle to explore your ideas."<br />
<br />
I honestly don't know what to do, but one thing that might help would be to stop fighting. This is that thing where I "should" myself to death. I <i>should</i> be a different kind of writer. I <i>should</i> be able to change my process.<br />
<br />
<i>Openly Straight</i> was an extremely challenging birth. It's easy for me to forget that now that I've seen it in book form, but it's a miracle that I got through that book. I remember sitting at my computer in Montana, certain I'd never figure out what this puzzle was all about. I hadn't yet discovered the camera, or the History of Rafe (you'll have to read the book next year to know what I mean). And then, one day, it began to pour from me.<br />
<br />
I have to have faith, as writing is a spiritual practice. I must believe that Duffy and Aisha (from <i>Best of Bipolar Disorder</i>) will start to speak to me if I just keep trying and stop telling myself what "should" happen today.<br />
<br />
Chuck just reminded me about F. Scott Fitzgerald, who once came back from a day of writing and reported that he'd had a terrific writing day. He'd written one word. But it was the right word!<br />
<br />
So I will try NaNoWriMo, but I will accept failure if that's what is supposed to happen. If I continue to put in my best effort every day, failure isn't a possibility. It'll all happen when it's s'posed to happen.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-5124209219972820242012-10-25T07:35:00.004-07:002012-10-25T07:40:01.062-07:00DON'T De-Friend Me<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I'll tell
you what, people who plan to vote for Mitt Romney:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I disagree
with you, and not just a little. Your support of the Romney/Ryan ticket feels like
a kick to the stomach, because as a gay man, this stuff is personal to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But you know
what? Don't de-friend me.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In his Huffington
Post blog post on Oct. 23, the awesome Kergan Edwards-Stout argues that people
who plan to vote for Romney should <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kergan-edwardsstout/romney-lgbt-rights_b_1980231.html" target="_blank">de-friend him</a> on Facebook, because he doesn't want to have friends who believe he deserves
anything less than equal treatment under the law.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What can I
say? I totally get this. I have felt this way, often. In fact, I felt this way
yesterday. As I was driving to meet a friend for lunch, I found myself stewing
in my own juices about the mean-spiritedness of the Romney/Ryan campaign as it
pertains to LGBT folks. I felt my blood pressure rise, yet again, as it has so
many times when I am made to feel inferior. I don't deserve anything less than
equal treatment under the law, and it pisses me off when people support a
candidate who seems to feel otherwise.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But then I
had a slightly different thought:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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What if the
people who are voting for Romney aren't all focused on me and my issues? I
mean, some of them clearly are. It would be hard to argue that the NOM folks
aren't focused on me, because their message is virulently anti-gay, and
unabashedly so. But what if, in fact, the majority of Romney supporters aren't
really thinking about how their vote makes me feel? What if they have different
priorities than I have?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I used to
teach college composition at Arizona State University. In those courses, we
stressed the importance of understanding different perspectives. I came at
those lessons as a gay man, and I'm sure some of my students became more able
to understand my perspective from those classes. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Did I become
more able to understand any of their perspectives?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
It's a good
question. Because years later, I must admit I still don't understand
conservatism. I just don't. I never understood why a person wouldn't feel
compelled to fight for justice for the maligned, for change and for progress.
That's just how I've always felt. I surely had conservative students. Did I
understand where they were coming from, or was I just listening to my own
voice, as I am so sure that I am right? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Shouldn't
this be a two-way street? I'm not suggesting that we promote ignorance or
hatred; I'm suggesting that we all take our blinders off and recognize that
there are millions of terrific folks out there who come from a different
perspective, who will cast a vote in two weeks for the other guy. To decide
these people are all mean-spirited and selfish is no more apt than for them to
decide that we are all, as Ann Coulter so lovingly put it, "Retards."
Sixty million people can't be "evil." There has to be another answer.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Clearly,
some Romney supporters are more focused on their bank accounts and their jobs
than the fact that my partner and I have to pay about $5k more a year in taxes
because we can't get married. Many of them don't know that, and others probably
wouldn't really care. Still more might care, but might care about other things
even more.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
(Of course,
I could make what I would consider a very strong argument as to why those
people should not vote for Romney based on his economic policies, but that's an
argument for another day.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
What I'm
really trying to say is this: Politics is personal. NOT just for me. For
everyone. We all have very strong beliefs. Have you ever changed anyone's
political views? I haven't, and I've been at this for a while. I know one
friend who used to be conservative and now isn't, but despite my arguments with
him a decade ago, his politics changed of his own volition.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
More and
more, I believe that politics and religion are realms where our perceptions are
real. And that's true for all of us. They can't be done away with. Each
person's perception of the truth is not a layer on top of reality; they are our
reality. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Who am I to
believe that my strong feelings are more valuable than those of my neighbors?
Am I that special? I know very smart people who simply hate Barack Obama. They
are convinced he's a terrible president. For them, that must be true. For me, I
think Mitt Romney would be an absolute train wreck. For me, that must be true.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am
starting to believe that we live in a world where there are multiple realities.
It must be so, because it doesn't make sense that so many surely decent and
reasonable people have such different perceptions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am not
negating my own views. In fact, I embrace them. I will continue to tell those
who will listen that Romney's support of DOMA, for instance, feels
mean-spirited and downright dangerous to me. But that was also the case under
George W. Bush, and I survived that. If Romney becomes president, I will
survive that, too. God willing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Just like an
amazing German teenager did 70 years ago under incomparable circumstances, I have
to hold on to the belief that people are good at heart. Is there evil in the
world? Surely there is. But we need to be careful of how we define "evil."
Those who harm innocent people out of malice are evil. Hitler was evil. Is
Romney evil? I know that I have claimed in the past few months that he is. But
truly I have to believe he is not. Deeply disappointing in his views on LGBT
issues? Absolutely. But he is no more evil than Obama, who is deeply
disappointing to other people who have different perspectives than mine. If Romney
is evil, then 60 million Americans will be voting for an evil person in two
weeks. I refuse to believe that, because then most people aren't good at heart.
And that's unacceptable to me. I cannot discount the realities of these people,
simply because they don't match my own reality. I can share my reality with
them, but then again, they can share their reality with me, too. They are about
as likely to change my mind as I am to change theirs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
So don't
de-friend me, Romney supporters. I may bristle at your support for Mitt, just
as you may bristle at my support for Barack. Let's figure out how to move
forward in a world with multiple realities where we can all co-exist, where we may
row our boats merrily down the stream without bumping into each other too hard.
Maybe sometime if we find a way to change the polemical aspect of our 24-hour
cable news society, we'll find that our boats can merge, and we will figure out
that despite our differences, we are all one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I have to
hope so, anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-73258856095364796562012-10-23T07:32:00.000-07:002012-10-23T07:32:19.528-07:00The Gay Jackie Robinson?<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">What would happen at an all-boys boarding school in Massachusetts if an athlete came out as gay?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">This is NOT the subject of my upcoming novel, Openly Straight. In fact, it is the setting for that novel, but it is the plot of my first novel, Out of the Pocket.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I mention it because of a comment I received last week from a former student at a school I visited three years ago. I spoke in the chapel at Belmont Hill School during its "Diversity Week." It remains one of the most interesting school visits I've ever had. It's also the only all-boys boarding school at which I spoke, and I used that experience to create "The Natick School," the setting for Openly Straight.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Here is the comment, which was posted to my blog. I took out a couple sentences because I did not have an email address for the boy who wrote it and I wanted to keep certain information out of this to keep it anonymous. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><i>I was a senior at
Belmont Hill when you came and spoke during the chapel meeting and felt that
your "musings" were, by far, the most constructive component of the
school's diversity week that year. I especially appreciated your notion that it may take a "Jackie
Robinson" type figure to first break this barrier.<br />
<br />
When you first made that comparison, my initial
reaction was shame, that I was a part of an establishment in which excellence
had become the only means of outside-the-box progress, but in the 4 years since
that thought first entered my mind, I've taken a bit of a different stance.
Like Major League Baseball in the pre-integration era, Belmont Hill has
established itself as an institution, set in its ways, built on a foundation
that has a genuinely positive effect on those who pass through it. I've come to
understand how impossible it may seem for a student to disrupt the pre-existing
"box" Belmont Hill creates, because frankly, that box typically
releases men well-adjusted to succeed in the collegiate and professional world.
After enduring numerous chants of "Brokeback Hill," (it was more
relevant at the time, I promise), from opposing fans, I can't wait for the day
that an openly gay student has the chance to storm into the end zone to the
tune of these chants, then promptly turn, hand the ball to a referee, and return
to his sideline.<br />
<br />
That may not seem like a particularly complicated
scenario considering that our culture has witnessed similar events,
particularly those completed by the likes of the aforementioned Mr. Robinson,
but its just not the same. What I am talking about, what you spoke about, what
we actually are all thinking about, is not a man to do this, but a boy. We are
hoping that a BOY, privy to the social stigma that may come with his decision,
to walk into his locker room, look his teammates in the eyes (an achievement
worth noting in its own) and tell each and every one of them that he is
different from them. That he is different in an aspect of life that has no
bearing whatsoever on his ability to swing a bat, make a tackle, or run a mile,
but different in a sense that none of his teammates have ever even considered.
The first openly gay student at Belmont Hill will not be lucky enough to be
"judged" by a group of well-educated, mature adults, but rather a
group of boys. In no way am I discounting the importance of anything done by
Jackie Robinson (or Moses Walker, among others, for those of you that know your
baseball history), but for this Belmont Hill student, there will be no
"test-run."<b> </b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><i>At some point, I hope that I'll be able to say
that I share the alma mater of a man who, as a boy, had the courage and support
to make a decision as momentous as this, not because I'll have shared the alma
mater of the boy who did it, but because I will have graduated from a school
that educates boys to support those around them and recognize merit wherever
found.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">---------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">When I spoke at Belmont Hill, I mentioned my theory that the first openly gay male athlete to play in one of the four major American sports (baseball, football, hockey, basketball) will likely be someone who came out in high school. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">He'll be out in high school, he'll be out going into college, and when he is drafted or signed, he will already be out. His talent will be such that his sexuality will simply be part of the package, much like his ethnic background or personality. "The Gay Jackie Robinson," I believe I called him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">It's interesting to hear about what has happened on that front in the last three years. C</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">learly Belmont Hill has done a great job of paving the way for TGJR. </span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The school has made it clear that it would support an athlete who decides to be "out." This is so important; schools really can make a difference by showing that a gay student/athlete would receive support. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yet it hasn't happened to this point.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Is that because there are no gay kids playing sports? No.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">We know that to be false. The numbers simply don't back that up. At any school where there might be anywhere between 50 and 300 boys playing on athletic teams, the idea that none are gay is absurd. We know that sexual orientation does not correlate to athletic ability. The growing number of out Olympic athletes and athletes coming out after their careers make that clear. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">So what keeps male athletes in the closet at a school that has shown a willingness to support an out kid?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">The answer, it seems to me, is "The Power of the Pack." By "Pack," I refer to packs of male teen athletes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">There are schools where these boys are no longer at the top of the social scale. I am currently teaching one class a week at such a school in Phoenix. But in a majority of schools across the country, I think male jocks remain high in the pecking order. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">I don't think individual thinking is strongly encouraged in such groups. For the most part, in my experience, what matters to packs of boys is loyalty and adherence to certain rules. What must happen before the floodgates open and many male teen jocks feel comfortable coming out is that the hearts and minds of these "Packs" must be changed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">It's a tough thing to change; while I think it is true that teens in general are more open to change than adults are, packs of boys are notoriously conservative, and these changes happen slowly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I believe that the thing that needs to change to make this happen is "more of what's been happening" the last few years. Pro athletes coming out as straight allies (like Chris Kluwe, the Minnesota Vikings punter). More of this. More pro and college athletes that are willing to say that you can't catch "gay," that you can still be a masculine, straight male, and also support those whose sexual orientation is different than yours.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 18px;">Until the message permeates our society so strongly that "Packs" of athletic teen boys start saying to each other that it's okay to be gay, being an out jock in high school will continue to be very, very difficult. It's a scary option. I know, because I've received many emails from closeted high school athletes. I'm not saying it can't be done; I'm saying it will remain a steep uphill battle until the hearts of "Packs of boys" are reached.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">And when that happens, I believe it will happen in a big way. Boys are strong believers in justice and rules. This is a stereotype, but I believe it to be true. Fair play matters greatly to a majority of males. So when those hearts begin to open up to the idea that gay is different -- not worse, just different -- than straight, I expect we will get a flood of stories about high school athletes coming out.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">And it will likely be one of these kids who will be the gay Jackie Robinson. </span></span>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-37356266780866702052012-10-18T07:27:00.003-07:002012-10-18T07:27:57.799-07:00Openly Straight - The CoverHere it is, boys and girls! The cover of my forthcoming novel "Openly Straight."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnPtok8XnIrs_D0a80mGidTsy47ceZwsem1ge6UsGsz49LxOb8Ifdcn4h-we6UPLKcOnPyOP2WUr4iQPpv40JDqR0icDC1NkRw9VZj1eigsmuX6KFizWNdrRMMbJcj-htjjkslzjEsjs/s1600/Openly+Straight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFnPtok8XnIrs_D0a80mGidTsy47ceZwsem1ge6UsGsz49LxOb8Ifdcn4h-we6UPLKcOnPyOP2WUr4iQPpv40JDqR0icDC1NkRw9VZj1eigsmuX6KFizWNdrRMMbJcj-htjjkslzjEsjs/s320/Openly+Straight.jpg" width="211" /></a></div>
<br />
Like it? I love it!<br />
<br />
I love that it is a visual representation of the story. Given a choice of all the labels my main character, Seamus Rafael Goldberg, can choose, he chooses the most innocuous one. He just wants to be a "normal kid."<br />
<br />
I had no idea, when I wrote this, about how much I was writing about myself. That's how clueless I can be about myself. I think this happens to writers sometimes; we get so caught up in a story we're creating that we don't see the obvious parallels.<br />
<br />
I came out in high school. I was out in college. Then, I made some choices (some in my early 20s and some in my later 20s) that were surprising for an openly gay guy. I decided to go to ESPN, where there were no openly gay men. I decided that I wanted the career of a sports writer so badly that I would just be a "normal guy" and not disclose my sexuality.<br />
<br />
As you'll see in the book, this doesn't always work out so well. How do you "be you" while simultaneously masking a part of yourself? There is no neutral; it would be nice to think we live in a world where you can just be without making a big deal about who you are attracted to, but that isn't this world. As people get to know you, the lies begin to mount. How do you foster friendships when that's going on?<br />
<br />
The other part of the book that mirrors my life is that Rafe, as he likes to be called, moves from his home in Boulder, Colorado, to an all-boys' boarding school in Natick, Massachusetts. That's when he decides to be "Openly Straight."<br />
<br />
I moved to Bristol, Connecticut in 1999. To ESPN, which was (especially at that time) basically a frat house. From? Denver, Colorado.<br />
<br />
How dense am I not to have noticed that parallel?<br />
<br />
Anyhow, the book comes out in June from Arthur A. Levine (Scholastic). Early reviews are (extremely) encouraging. I think you're going to like this one.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-51025982504492844672012-10-03T08:46:00.000-07:002012-10-03T08:46:18.916-07:00Using Songs in NovelsToday I've decided to be one of those helpful authors and let you know what happens when you attempt to use copywritten song lyrics in your novel. So if you are not a regular reader of this blog, I'm guessing you found me because you just used those lyrics to Rapture by Blondie in your novel, and then you thought, "Wait. Can I do this?"<br />
<br />
The answer is: yes and no.<br />
<br />
I love using lyrics. I love all sorts of music (especially pop, rock, R&B, alternative, folk), and I find lyrics totally evocative of mood. So in many of my novels, lyrics are peppered in liberally.<br />
<br />
That was the case in "Openly Straight," which comes out next June. My editor mentioned early on in the process that we'd need to get permission, and that it would cost us. What I didn't understand (and this is embarrassing, given that I'm not a first-time author), was that it would cost ME.<br />
<br />I do not want to name names, so I will be slightly evasive about artists here. But I will use actual dollar figures so you get a sense of what using lyrics might actually cost you.<br />
<br />
I used a Hawaiian song made popular in the 1950s to evoke setting in a "mountain luau" scene. I also used a popular song from the 2000s by a megapopular female artist. That one was just me funnin' around with misheard lyrics.<br />
<br />
We received permission to use the Hawaiian song. It will cost me $250 to do so. The publishing house (Scholastic, in this case) had its permission people send out a letter with information about the novel, what the song was used for, even a PDF of the actual page where it is used. This process took about 3-4 weeks, and in the front of the novel, it states that I have permission to use those lyrics.<br />
<br />
We were turned down, however, by the female artist. I was so annoyed at first, but in the end this saved me a lot of money. I immediately re-wrote the scene with another misheard lyric, this one from a rock group. It is actually one of the most-played songs in radio history, if that interests you. They came back and granted permission, but the cost was $650 for the four lines I used.<br />
<br />
By the way, this is not unusual from what I hear. Lyrics are expensive!<br />
<br />
So I was faced with a choice: pay $900 to use two songs, $250 to use one, or nothing and re-write two scenes.<br />
<br />
I chose the second option. I can afford the $250, and the song does in fact add to the mood of that important scene. The misheard lyrics joke, however, seemed way too pricey for this writer! Not that I am blaming the copywrite holder; they are totally in their right to charge what they will. But think about it from my perspective. How many books would I need to sell to pay for those lyrics? The answer is something in the neighborhood of 400 books.<br />
<br />
Nah. Not at this point in my career.<br />
<br />
Lastly, why, you might ask, would an artist deny permission to use lyrics? It's hard to know. No reason was given in this case. Perhaps she and her people didn't want people focusing on the absurd misheard lyric? Perhaps she and her people generally don't grant such permissions? I'll never know. I will say that unfortunately, it has colored my opinion of the artist a little bit. I had always liked her, but being denied use of a lyric, even for an exorbitant amount of money, left a bitter taste in my mouth.<br />
<br />
So that's the deal with using lyrics in songs. My suggestion is to avoid it. Use the song title; it's free! Describe the music or the lyrical content. Otherwise, if you're going to use lyrics, make sure they are in the public domain (hint: old songs written not in this country generally are).Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-90493339511649100442012-09-07T07:59:00.001-07:002012-09-07T08:21:07.539-07:00Vacation, all I ever wanted...We are back from our first full-fledged vacation in about three years!<br />
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Chuck, Mabel and I went to Northern California for two weeks, and what can I say? Paradise!</div>
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We had such an amazing time doing nothing and loving it. We drove about 900 miles each way and stayed for nine days at a place called <a href="http://www.vrbo.com/122392" target="_blank">Driftwood Bungalow</a> in Manchester, California. It's about 150 miles north of San Francisco, about 30 miles south of Mendocino.</div>
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Nothing is there, and that's how we wanted it. We had to drive 15 to 20 minutes just to find a restaurant. That's how remote this place was. It's nestled on the top of a bluff about 120 feet above the ocean. You can hike down to a private beach that is almost always empty, and then, just to get to the beach, you have to climb over a huge, unsteady pile of driftwood.</div>
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It's not that warm there, about 65 most days. But when you live in Arizona, that's exactly what you crave in the summer.<br />
<br />
The trip started out beautifully. We spent a night in Palm Springs, went to a gorgeous resort in Santa Barbara, and then drove up Route 1 to Santa Cruz, where we met some old friends of ours and their child for dinner. Along the way, we stopped to do some organic berry picking in a small, Danish-influenced town called Solvang.<br />
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I kid you not; the blackberries and red and golden raspberries were among the best things I've ever eaten. I am officially "into" berry picking.<br />
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Along the way, we stopped and had a picnic on a bluff overlooking the Pacific.<br />
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It was there that Mabel got to showcase her new soccer skills. Girl is good!<br />
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We stayed the night in San Francisco, and in the morning we had brunch with another good friend of ours. Then we made the final three-plus hour trek to the cottage. You'll notice that from here on, not a whole lot of pictures. Chuck and I like the idea of taking pictures, but somehow we always forget to take them.<br />
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One thing we didn't realize was how mountainous the coast is up there. Crazy hairpin turns and huge inclines and places where it looks like you're driving directly into the ocean. It is truly the most miraculous landscape.<br />
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We mostly read. And ate. And hottubbed. And walked with Mabel. And frolicked on the misty beach. Oh yeah, there was a lot of that. And then, when I got home, I found out how to put music with video. This is not a good development for the rest of the world, probably. But anyhow, here Mabel and I are, running on the sand and having a blast.<br />
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My mother visited with her new beau, Paul. That was a lot of fun and it was nice to have some company after 9 days of solitude. We drove back quickly because we had to get back to work. Sigh. All good things must come to an end.<br />
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It was a rejuvenating trip. I read six novels and I feel as though I emptied my head of a lot of garbage. High on that list is media overload. We didn't watch TV for two weeks, with the exception of 30 minutes while in SF that one night. I didn't use a computer, either. I came back knowing I have to stop my meaningless surfing, because it is a huge waste of time and energy. I also came back knowing that I will watch far less TV from now on. Also a huge waste of time.<br />
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Finally, here is our girl falling in love. She met a male Australian Labradoodle named Duffy, and the two of them ... wow, the sparks. They even had a Romeo and Juliet moment later that night. He was staying next door one night, and the two of them howled to each other from their respective decks.<br />
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Clearly, it was a Haley Reinhart moment. I'm sorry in advance.<br />
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Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-11605769425046678802012-08-20T06:49:00.001-07:002012-08-20T06:49:38.770-07:00Who's That Girl?We took Mabel to get groomed last week. We take her about once every other month, because the shaggy look really suits her personality.<br />
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This time, we didn't really specify that much about what to do, besides saying she needed a trim. So imagine my surprise when I picked up our biker chick Labradoodle, and they had gone all poodle on us!<br />
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They had her in a pink bandana and a matching bow, and she was all poofy.<br />
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What can I say? It was adorable. It doesn't match her personality, which is a little more rough around the edges, but still... cute.<br />
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And then I began to think: who does she look like? Someone famous. Chuck said she looked a little like a baboon, which is true, but it was a person. And then I got it. Vera. From the old sitcom Alice?<br />
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Uncanny, isn't it? Our Mabel is a lot smarter than Vera was in that show. Oddly enough, I believe Alice was set in Phoenix. And so is Mabel! What are the odds?<br />
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Anyhow, Mabel is doing great these days. She is a happy pup, although we notice that she has the tendency to want more of any good thing. Just like her dads. Nothing is ever quite enough. So when we give her a particularly good day (two walks and a dog park visit), the next day she's always like, "Um, when are we taking our three walks and two visits to the dog park?"<br />
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Here is Mabel playing her new favorite sport:<br />
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Kinda makes you want an Australian Labradoodle, doesn't it?Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-50538970474198107302012-08-17T06:28:00.001-07:002012-08-17T06:28:18.815-07:00Openly Straight - First PassSo yesterday, I received the "First Pass" of Openly Straight in the mail!<br />
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While it is still in "manuscript form" rather than "book form," it appears as it will in the book in terms of font, pages, etc. That was exciting to see. It's always different when you see your words in this form.<br />
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My task with this first pass is to address all questions from the proofreader, production editor, and any final questions from my editor. In this case, that editor is <a href="http://cherylklein.com/" target="_blank">Cheryl Klein</a>, Executive Editor at <a href="http://www.arthuralevinebooks.com/" target="_blank">Arthur A. Levine Books</a>, and let's just say she is VERY THOROUGH. Hence all the Post-It notes you see.<br />
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I did the work last night. After each post-it note was dealt with, I was instructed to remove it. Here is a pile of Post-It notes bigger than my dog.<br />
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I have to tell you: I adore her thoroughness. Even though we've already been through a full edit and then a final edit, the truth of any manuscript is that there could always be a debate when it gets down to the word level. Should we use "A" or "The" as the/an article to start this sentence? Should we re-order this sentence for clarity, or is this more consistent with Rafe's voice? Should we "Runup" this paragraph to make it part of the previous paragraph for the sake of flow?<br />
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At a certain point, you have to stop so you can actually finish the book so that people can read it. After this round, I am very confident there will be no inconsistencies or mistakes in this novel. I'm also confident that my niggling comma issues will not be displayed. Yes, I have comma, issues.<br />
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I'm excited to share the cover with the world, because it is great. But I can't, at least not yet. Stay tuned!<br />
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<br />Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-36290833575182744382012-08-16T05:31:00.001-07:002012-08-16T10:14:51.001-07:007 Habits of Highly Ineffective People<div>
I have been a highly effective person at times in my life. You don't become successful in a creative field without working diligently. It simply doesn't happen. Likewise, it's about impossible to succeed in any endeavor without concerted effort. I don't mean to brag, but when I'm on, I'm really on.</div>
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Then there are the other times. Take recently, for example. Ask me how much I've written during my allotted 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. writing time in the last month. Never mind that things are jumping in my writing career, and that I have an amazing editor who is interested in seeing my next novel. I have not let any of that stop me in my quest to fritter away hour upon hour. </div>
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I couldn't sleep last night. I was just thinking about how I am doing everything exactly wrong. I then compounded that fact by focusing my thoughts on it, thereby making sure I wouldn't sleep more than four hours. As everyone knows, the best way to ensure a highly ineffective day is to start it with a few hours of fitful sleep followed by several hours of turning and tossing.</div>
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Want to be like me? Here are some tips on how to be highly ineffective:</div>
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1. Allow whatever comes across your desk at any given moment to grab your attention. Never mind if you are having a writing breakthrough. By all means, go to Gmail when you see the notification pop up on the bottom right of your screen. After all, a guy you played softball with in 2003, whom you haven't spoken to in nearly a decade, has written you! Immediately open and respond to unrelated, non-crucial emails sent by people you barely know.</div>
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2. Eat crap. Potato chips and Ritz crackers. Jellybeans left over from a party you threw. Anything salty or sweet or satisfying. And do it not during meals or after meals as a dessert, but as a snack anytime you feel stressed or bored. Keep these on your desk while you try to write. For exercise, swim two laps, or maybe six. Stop when you get bored or something else occurs to you or you have an itch on your nose. </div>
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3. Play Words With Friends. With four people. At once. Because one game of Scrabble at a time is just not enough. That's why in the olden days, people would keep four Scrabble boards going on their living room table. That way, if you have a free moment, you can check on you game's progress and think about word combinations rather than work, writing, or your loved ones.</div>
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4. Follow and get invested in politics. Get angry when politicians lie. Because this is new, people! In the olden days, politicians were kind-hearted folks who only cared about the lives of their constituents. They were never selfish or power hungry. When people use religion or fear as a means to keep power, take it personally. It's about you, not them. They are wonderful. Not finding enough to make you feel enraged? Go to the comments for any article about gay people or black people or illegal immigrants on foxnews.com and read each one carefully.</div>
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5. Mindlessly surf the internet. Hey, remember that song you used to hear on the radio 24 years ago by that guy, the one with the video where the white guy and the black guy took a helicopter to a studio and then got dressed and performed the song live somewhere? What was the black guy's name, and what is he doing now?</div>
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6. Whine and rant internally. Think of all the things in your life that aren't exactly the way you want them, and rant inside your brain about them. How come no one is listening to Haley Reinhart's music? Why are television shows so snarky these days? Why won't your dog bring the ball back to you when you're playing fetch? How come this guy is driving below the speed limit in the left lane? Wave your fist at the world and all the things you cannot change.
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7. Even if you do all these things that highly ineffective people do, there will be times when you feel discouraged, sad, empty, maybe even angry. When you feel these things, watch a movie on Netflix while eating slices of salami, or go to sleep! The feelings are sure to just drift away. They always do!</div>
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Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-63846210629668031642012-08-15T06:36:00.000-07:002012-08-15T06:36:01.279-07:00Against TypeI woke up this morning thinking about the novel I am working on, BEST OF BIPOLAR DISORDER. There is a fantasy element in the novel. It's the first time I am working with an element of the fantastic in a novel.<br />
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This makes me nervous. As much as I love to think about what happens when we die, as much as I love seeing movies about the afterworld, actually entering that realm in fiction scares me. Because so much of it has already been done, and also because one of the themes of my novel is that we should run like hell from people who think they know FOR CERTAIN the answers to the cosmic mystery.<br />
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Where do we go when we die? What is heaven like? Who gets to go there? These are questions we all have. Or should have. And issues of faith, too. It's one of the most interesting aspects of life on this planet. To me, anyway. How did the world all happen? Does science explain everything? Is there a God? Is one religion right? I believe these issues should be at the forefront of our minds almost always. And I further believe that the answer is like humility. As soon as you think you have it, it is gone.<br />
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Anyhow, it scares me and excites me to be writing about these issues. I woke up laughing, because I was thinking about a conversation the main character is having in a dream with his dead grandfather. Who is wise. Because he knows stuff. And the kid hates all that God stuff. I mean, the kids who beat him up are all Christian, so he's always been an atheist. Or so he thinks.<br />
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So just before I woke up, the kid is professing to his grandfather how much he places his faith in science. And the grandfather is telling him not to be too sure of himself. To prove it, he says, "Is this weren't real, could I do this?"<br />
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He raises his arm and a beam of light comes off his palm. It flickers. It goes away.<br />
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"Fuck," he says. "I hate when that happens."<br />
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He shakes his arms, but the light won't come back.<br />
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I loved this. It made me laugh. Because we've all seen that scene, right? When the wise old man, dead or alive, shows us something, and we learn. In this novel, there is some of that. But what if, I thought as I woke up, the dead grandfather is a bit of a doofus, and his ability to be magical is very flawed?<br />
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I want to do this throughout the novel. Create characters who go against not only type, but theme, repeatedly. If my message includes the idea that our perceptions are real, not just a lens through which we look, but they are actually real, I want to crack that facade at times. Sometimes, perceptions are NOT real, too. And the wise old medium they meet in Northern California? When he sees the kids and says, "I've been waiting for you," and it's the last line of the chapter, I want the next chapter to start with him thinking they are delivering him a new Tempur-Pedic pillow.<br />
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Nothing easy. Every time easy appears in such a novel, my new rule is: throw it out.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-81476403373424109572012-08-08T07:41:00.001-07:002012-08-08T07:41:25.610-07:00Carrie, a decade laterSo I had a HUGE treat yesterday... I got to have lunch with the former student who served as the inspiration for the character "Carrie" in OUT OF THE POCKET!<div>
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I hadn't seen her in nine years. In that time, she taught English in Rio, got a graduate degree in literature, taught English to inner-city kids in Massachusetts, figured out she was bisexual, volunteered at a rape crisis center where she met a gaggle of lesbians with whom she now hangs out, and found an extremely cool Massachusetts guy with a beard who also studies literature to date. In other words, exactly the kinds of things I would have expected from Carrie.</div>
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It was just a really nice lunch. To know that she is now teaching makes me happy, because she is exactly the kind of person who will be able to reach kids and change their lives. Ever since she was a freshman at ASU and she walked into my first class, she had this great combination of ... hard to say, exactly. Charisma, intelligence, vibe, and heart? Humor, personality and point of view? These words are all so amorphous; it's hard to characterize a person using nouns and adjectives. I do much better with dialogue.</div>
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Of the many nice things about lunch, one was just a relief: Because I am crazy, I had built up a story in my mind that my former student did not like the portrayal, that she felt it demeaned her. I built this up not through any facts or even any communication from her, but through my own insanity. Sometime, I should do a "Bill's brain translates" posting to show how my brain maps events and conversations, almost always to my detriment.</div>
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Anyhow, I asked her point blank if she had been bothered by it all. Apparently, just the opposite; like any human being would, she felt honored to be portrayed. In fact, she reiterated something she wrote to me four years ago: "My parents weren't surprised when I told them. They thought it would be more like a biography where I get kidnapped and turn into a bank robber."</div>
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I'm just really glad she is in my life, even if it is peripherally. I'm so glad for the updates, and I'm hoping I'll get to see her again the next time she visits her crazy family here in Arizona.</div>
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A favorite Carrie scene from OUT OF THE POCKET for old time's sake. This is the one between Carrie and Bobby right after he's been outed in school. They'd been dating, and now she knows he's gay. She's been holding him as they sat together in the infirmary and they've made up, but she's still processing: </div>
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<i>We walked out together, Carrie holding my hand. "Oh my God!" she said, halting her stride and looking at me, dazed. </i></div>
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<i>"What?" I was dead tired and didn't know if I could take any sentence that started with "Oh my God."</i></div>
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<i>"I'm your frag hag. Oh my God," she said. "I'm gonna be the woman with twenty cats in my apartment. I'll wear shawls and live in West Hollywood and never get married. And all for the love of a football player. Please say this won't happen to me."</i></div>
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<i>"Aren't you allergic to cats?" I asked as we parted in the empty hallway.</i></div>
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<i>She was staring into space wistfully. "I'll have to get weekly allergy shots."</i></div>
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<i>I put my hand on the back of her neck and rubbed, something I'd probably never done when we were so-called dating.</i></div>
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<i>"I think you're going to be okay," I said.</i></div>
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<i>She continued walking, her head down. "I hate shawls," she said. </i></div>
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<br /></div>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-69589282084736245982012-08-05T20:50:00.003-07:002012-08-22T10:28:39.779-07:00Row, Row, Row Your BoatSo I'm writing a lot about God these days. Stuff like, what do I really think God is? Do I believe in God? If I do, what do I believe God to be?<br />
<br />
You see, I have such a wide range of friends. I have devout Christian friends; friends who attend synagogue on a regular basis; Buddhists I love; deeply spiritual friends who are turned off by organized religion; and more than a few close friends who get pissed off any time I mention the word God because they are strong atheists.<br />
<br />
This leaves me in a funny position. I have all sorts of feelings about God, but I sometimes don't know what I really BELIEVE about God.<br />
<br />
This topic is one I delve deeply into in my next novel. Not the one coming out next year, <a href="http://billkonigsberg.blogspot.com/2012/07/openly-straight-sold.html" target="_blank">Openly Straight</a>. The one after that.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, I was sitting in a restaurant in Colorado on Saturday morning, having some breakfast, and a whole bunch of ideas came to me. I tend to use my iPhone to write myself emails with the ideas, since I am OneNote-phobic. During this meal, the ideas were coming fast-and-furious; I wrote eight emails to myself about the concept of God.<br />
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The last one was about the song, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."<br />
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You know the one:<br />
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<i>Row, row, row your boat</i><br />
<i>Gently down the stream</i><br />
<i>Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily</i><br />
<i>Life is but a dream</i><br />
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<br />
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I've only heard those lyrics a thousand times in my life. And in that moment, it hit me over the head just how incredible those lyrics are, and how many layers of meaning there could be in that verse.<br />
<br />
Let me explain.<br />
<br />
The simple spiritual metaphor that got me thinking about this was the idea of the stream as life, and the boat as your vessel, your person. So the song tell us to navigate life gently. We've all heard the phrases "Easy does it," "Be gentle, be kind." This sort of idea seems to be expressed here. But there's another idea on top of it that is very interesting. That is the concept of "Merrily."<br />
<br />
Think about it. I'm so used to that song that when I hear the lyrics, the meaning doesn't register. But "Merrily" is an interesting adverb in that it's not an immediate fit with "Gently."<br />
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Something can be gentle and merry, but usually merry is more jubilant than it is gentle, isn't it? So we are to navigate life's paths, according to the song, gently, and merrily. Be kind, and be not just happy, but jubilantly so. Hmm. I like that. That's how I think of "Serenity" in a way. There's a calmness, but more than calmness, it's a happy calmness.<br />
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And then comes the part of the song that kicked my ass:<br />
<br />
"Life is but a dream."<br />
<br />
I was thinking about this in terms of perceptions. In particular, I mean perceptions of God. How can it be that all these wonderful people I know have such different perceptions of what is real when it comes to the nature of reality?<br />
<br />
Friend A, whom I adore, thinks that anyone who believes in God is believing in a fairy tale. He thinks that when you die, it's all over. The end.<br />
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Friend B, whom I also adore, thinks that Jesus Christ died for our sins.<br />
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Friend C, whom I equally love, is Jewish. She thinks that Jesus Christ was not the son of God but a prophet. She believes that the most important thing is to do the right thing as often as possible.<br />
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I thought, what if they are all right?<br />
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I mean, what if they are all right, because their perceptions (and mine as well) are reality? Think about it. what if perception isn't just a lens through which we see life, but it IS life?<br />
<br />
Life is but a dream. Our dreams include truths that we know to be so.<br />
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What if we are all living in our own realities? If we perceive God to be a real part of our lives, God is. If we perceive God to be a crutch other people need, it is. For us.<br />
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And what if this concept can be extend into the afterlife, which so much of this hinges on anyway. What happens when we die? What if it's all our dream? Could it be that we live and die what we perceive, since that is our reality? A person who believes he'll meet Jesus at the gates of heaven would meet Jesus at the gates of heaven, and it would be real, because it's that person's truth? Meanwhile, another person could so strongly believe that after we die there is nothing, and that would be what she experiences?<br />
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I don't know. In fact, no one knows. But that's the beauty of all this. It's a cosmic mystery. In my estimation, anyone who tells you they know for certain what happens when we die? Run from that person. Don't let anyone take that mystery from you, because it's yours to figure out for yourself. That's my belief, anyway.<br />
<br />
Anyway, life is but a dream. If we all are in our own realities, it is even more important that we row our boats gently down the stream, being extra careful not to bump into others, who are on their own journeys, journeys that are every bit as real and valid as our own. Note, by the way, that the song is sung as a round. Think of how much that plays into this idea, as opposed to how it would be if it was sung in unison. Everyone is in their own dissonant dream, but it all works together beautifully.<br />
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Good song, eh?<br />
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<br />Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-58857156034890508912012-07-29T07:33:00.002-07:002012-07-29T07:33:45.463-07:00Guilt, Shame, and ChickenI've been thinking about this whole "Chick-fil-A" debacle a lot recently. As a lot of you know, I like to be thoughtful in my reactions to things.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-g6IQTsexFw_3j9H3crN5snXaZgVB5wFCBZzgOBHalAdFQASwXvnHpmd6zbpZeyB3EYem5SyLAcAhwv1XxJjWt0kqXOy5CrCBJvUic35VkFybZ9Zgr3eCkMFers66uHHehyphenhyphenWu03N-vRI/s1600/chick+fil+a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-g6IQTsexFw_3j9H3crN5snXaZgVB5wFCBZzgOBHalAdFQASwXvnHpmd6zbpZeyB3EYem5SyLAcAhwv1XxJjWt0kqXOy5CrCBJvUic35VkFybZ9Zgr3eCkMFers66uHHehyphenhyphenWu03N-vRI/s1600/chick+fil+a.jpg" /></a>My initial reaction to Dan Cathy's "<a href="http://www.latimes.com/business/money/la-fi-mo-chick-fil-a-gay-20120718,0,3020372.story" target="_blank">Guilty as charged</a>" comments about his company being against gay marriage reinforced my long-held belief that I should not eat at such an establishment. I haven't eaten there in years, and I actually like just about anything that's fried, so that's saying something.<br />
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Then came the huge outcry about boycotting the restaurant, and some political figures got involved on both sides. And then came a response from the middle that surprised me and made me feel that I should re-examine my own beliefs. A Facebook friend wrote that the company didn't give money to <i>anti-gay organizations</i>; if they did that, he'd boycott. They only donated to <i>anti-gay marriage organizations</i>. Not sure I bought that one. "<a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/post/chick-fil-a-the-greek-olympian-and-the-sandwich-problem/2012/07/25/gJQAjvyj9W_blog.html" target="_blank">Judge the sandwich by the sandwich</a>," one blogger wrote. "<a href="http://www.theleafchronicle.com/article/20120729/COLUMNISTS91/307270034" target="_blank">This boycott solves nothing</a>," a writer for a small newspaper wrote.<br />
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And I thought, well, maybe they are right. Perhaps it's okay for a company's CEO to disagree with me on certain political issues. After all, this is America. We have a right to our beliefs, and we have a right to express them. Perhaps, I thought, I should support his right to free speech.<br />
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I thought about this last night as we stood waiting for a table at Don and Charlies, a fantastic restaurant in Scottsdale frequented by athletes. It's a steakhouse with a very specific masculine edge. I was standing there with Chuck, and this interesting thought crossed my mind for a moment:<br />
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What would happen if I grabbed my partner of nine years' hand right now? Seriously. I thought that.<br />
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I mean, we love each other. Grabbing his hand would not be a lewd act. There were male-female couples waiting there who were holding hands. That's a normal thing to do. What if we did that?<br />
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We wouldn't, of course. And that's part of what I'm getting at. Most of the reason we wouldn't is that I am conditioned to think that it's weird for two men to hold hands. Having grown up here, in this world, I have certain beliefs, and one of those beliefs is that it is shameful for two men to hold hands.<br />
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I am not kidding here. I am being brutally honest with you.<br />
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So that means I am in a loving relationship, but I am afraid of people's reaction to that relationship in public. How fucking awful is that?<br />
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Someone once told me that guilt and shame are different things. Guilt is a reaction to something you have done. Shame is a reaction to who you are. Guilt has its uses. Feeling guilt allows us to change our behavior so as to avoid guilt in the future. Shame, on the other hand, is useless! What, are you going to change who you are? I suppose if "who you are" is a lying SOB, that's one thing, but I'd argue that's "what you do," not "who you are." In my case, who I am is a homosexual. If the recent issues with <a href="http://www.edgeonthenet.com/news/national/news/134929/exodus_international:_reparative_therapy_does_not_work" target="_blank">Exodus International</a> have taught us anything, it's that even people who really want to change that, really can't, even with the help of a 12-step program. Which tells us that it's an identity, not a behavior.<br />
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So shame is useless. And we should eradicate it from our world. Not just for gay people, but for ALL people. What's the use of feeling bad about your <i>identity</i>? That's just a shame. Pun intended.<br />
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My point is, of course people are allowed to think homosexuality is a sin. No one has ever needed my permission to think that. They have, and apparently they will continue to feel that way. But it is precisely these sorts of people and their public expressions of such thoughts that have kept me feeling ashamed of who I am into my 40s. I came out well over 20 years ago. I'm publicly out, I have a novel about a gay football player and another one with a title -- Openly Straight -- that makes it quite clear what the subject of that novel is. I am hardly a shrinking violet. And yet there is still a part of me, despite all obvious signs pointing the other way, that thinks there is something wrong with me.<br />
<br />
Despite the fact that I am a good person who treats others with kindness.<br />
Despite the fact that people remind me on a frequent basis that I'm one of the nice guys.
<br />
Despite <span style="background-color: white;">the fact that my marriage is happy and healthy. In fact, it is far happier and healthier than many if not most heterosexual marriages.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Despite</span><span style="background-color: white;"> the fact that I know my first novel saved at least two lives. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">I seem to lose these facts in this core belief that has been drilled into my head that I am <i>less than</i>. And that was not something that I was born with. That was something that happened when I was 14 and 15 and 16, and people told me that I was less than. That's why I write books for teens! Because I don't want people at those ages deciding they are less than! </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
So yes, Dan Cathy can have his opinion on me and my "lifestyle." Anyone can. But you better bet your ass that I should not support his restaurant. And you shouldn't either, because at this moment in time, every time you walk into a Chick-fil-A, you are sending a message to those of us who happen to be gay. We are, to him and his ilk, FAR less than heterosexuals. I will not support the exporting of shame to those who have already been made to feel shameful, and I hope you will not, either.<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-82824073271788898032012-07-20T06:24:00.000-07:002012-07-20T06:24:12.513-07:00Openly Straight: Sold!<br />
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I have a new book deal!<o:p></o:p></div>
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I've wanted to scream it from the top of a mountain for the
entire world to hear for the past couple months, but I couldn't -- not until
the deal was signed and official. Well, it is now signed and official. So here
I scream…<o:p></o:p></div>
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YAY! WOO HOO! HUZZAH! YIPPEE DEE!<o:p></o:p></div>
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The details: My follow-up to OUT OF THE POCKET is called
OPENLY STRAIGHT. Nope, not a sequel, for those of you who have inquired. It
does not appear there will be a sequel. You'll have to dream up for yourselves what
happens to Bobby Framingham et al.<o:p></o:p></div>
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OPENLY STRAIGHT is the story of Seamus Rafael Goldberg, aka
Rafe, a comfortably out gay boy from Boulder, Colo. Rafe has awesomely
accepting, aging-hippie parents, a best friend who was similarly a victim of
NWI (Naming While Intoxicated) that he adores, even a school district that is
among the most friendly in the country for LGBT youth. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So what in the world could make him want to upend his life
and move across the country to enroll in a conservative all-boys' school for
his junior year?<o:p></o:p></div>
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That question is at the heart of the comic novel, in which
Rafe decides to recreate himself without the label "gay." What
happens when Rafe finds he really enjoys being just "one of the guys"
rather than "the gay kid"? What happens when he finds himself in a
bromance that threatens to turn into a torrid romance? What happens when his
old world and new world collide?<o:p></o:p></div>
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These are the questions at the heart of OPENLY STRAIGHT,
which will be published by <a href="http://www.arthuralevinebooks.com/index.asp" target="_blank">Arthur A. Levine Books</a> (Scholastic) in June of 2013.
It was purchased by Executive Editor Cheryl Klein, who, among other things,
worked on the last two Harry Potter books.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am so blissed out! Truly, if I could have dreamed this
out, it would have happened just like this. I am forever grateful to my agent,
Linda Epstein, who made her first sale with this book. I am also grateful to
Caryn Wiseman and Mark McVeigh, who were extremely helpful along the way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I promise to get back to blogging now. It was tough, because
it was hard to write about my life without writing about the book deal! Linda
threatened to do bodily damage if I tempted fate by announcing it before it was
official. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That's all for now!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-91722014234509385522012-06-20T07:01:00.003-07:002012-06-20T07:01:41.569-07:00Pride!Chuck said something yesterday that really struck me. It was a comment about how things have changed in his lifetime, especially for gay people.<br />
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What a momentous change we have experienced, especially those 40 and older! Think about it: It was just 43 years ago this month that the gay rights movement had its first shining moment, when a bunch of gay men in New York's Greenwich Village stood up to police who were raiding their bar, Stonewall.<br />
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These people could be arrested simply for going to an establishment where gay people congregated. This was the stark reality of 43 years ago.<br />
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When I was in ninth grade, 27 years ago, I would sneak around the periodical section of the library looking for any information or article with the word gay in it. I was so curious. The things I found were all about this new disease that was killing men. Even at the age of 14, I understood that this disease was not being treated the same as others. Gay men seemed to be dying, and no one was doing anything about it and few were even talking about it. It seemed to me, even in New York City, that I was faced with either lying about who I was or joining a secret society. And how that must read to my brothers and sisters who DIDN'T grow up in New York. I know Chuck had no idea that gay was a thing. He just thought, growing up in South Dakota, that something was wrong with him and he was alone.<br />
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It was only 14 years ago that Ellen DeGeneres made a huge splash by coming out on her own sitcom. Before Ellen, there were no gay main protagonists on sitcoms. In fact, when we saw gay characters, usually a suicide or a bashing followed. The plot was almost always centered around the fact that they were gay. Gay people rarely got to do the laundry, or play mini-golf, or go to the movies. And we LGBT folks, at home, had very little, prior to Ellen, to use as a mirror for our own existences. This is something straight white folks simply cannot understand: how valuable it is to have a mirror of ourselves presented to us, in art and in reality.<br />
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Think of all that has happened in just the last few years, and think of where we are today. Gay people are allowed to serve openly in the military today. Forty years ago, that was an unfathomable idea. In some states, gay people can marry, and our president -- our president! -- just went on record saying he is in favor of allowing LGBT folk to marry. Forty years ago, the vast, vast majority of Americans thought homosexuality was a perversion. Today, many Americans -- a majority, it would seem -- understand that some people are this, and some people are that.<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">This has happened amazingly quickly. And I think we ought to stop and be aware of that, especially in this season of Gay Pride events. Change has occurred, momentous change, and it will continue to occur because change cannot be stopped. Think of how quickly LGBT issues have stopped being used as a major wedge issue in elections! Sure, Mitt Romney commented on Obama's new gay marriage position. But have you heard about it over and over? No. And even four years ago, that would have been THE single issue of the election. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">So, angry friends, think about these facts. Remember the victories. Does it mean you should not be angry when gay people are considered second-class citizens? No, you should be angry, you must. Without that anger, nothing changes. But please take a second to stop and think about all that has changed, and let that fill you with pride today. </span>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-217990524296047542012-06-07T08:43:00.000-07:002012-06-07T15:06:03.932-07:00Writing Authentic "Not Me" CharactersThe novel I am currently working on involves a journey taken by two best friends: Duffy and Aisha.<br />
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Duffy is 17, straight-but-different, and bipolar. He has lived his entire life in Billings, Montana.</div>
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Aisha is 19, a lesbian, and black. She has lived in several small Midwestern cities, as her father is an assistant coach for the Indoor Football League.</div>
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They are best friends because they just get each other.</div>
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Do you notice what I did there? Did I mention Duffy is white? I did not. And I didn't have to. Because I am Caucasian, it feels like a safe bet to me that readers will assume my first-person protagonist will also be Caucasian. My characters, I seem to assume, are "Me" characters except where they diverge from "Me."</div>
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Anyhow, I am currently trying to "get" their voices. And what is a voice? At its worst, a voice can be mimicked from things we've heard. We "hear" the Mexican woman in front of us in line at the grocery store as she talks on her cell phone, and we ape her voice. I say that's the worst because it's entirely exterior. We cannot come to know a character on the inside by simply copying her dialect. At best, we come to know our characters from the inside-out, and when they speak, readers will be able to sense the authenticity of that person, because they are a person. Fully a person.</div>
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Still, I find that I am up against something here. I have never been black. I have never been a lesbian, especially a somewhat butch one. My fears have always been of being seen as less masculine and therefore different, not "too masculine" and therefore different.</div>
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How do I approach her voice? How do I make her real? For that matter, how do I make both of them real? Despite what one misguided doctor said when I was 19, I have never been bipolar. How do I access that life experience?</div>
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I can never be anyone other than me, try as I might. I will never be inside another person and I will never inhabit their brain. So how dare I write their innermost thoughts? How can fiction ever be authentic, since we are writing characters who are not us? </div>
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We have to find authenticity by inhabiting these people as best we can. That is the answer. We have to do our best to not just empathize, but actually merge as we write. Imagination helps. No, I don't know what it's like to be black, but I do know what it's like to feel different. No, I don't know what it's like to be bipolar, but I do know what it's like to not entirely trust my brain.</div>
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The end result (if I'm lucky) will be characters who sound like themselves. That self will have quite a bit of me in it, but also a lot of not me. That's vague, but purposefully so. I need to start with the one human I know by heart, and that's me, and then I have to see difference. Which is exactly why, above, I didn't mention that Duffy is white. Like me. I only mentioned the things about those two characters that diverge from my own story.</div>
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What I will do is write my friend Kriste letters from both characters in first person. I send these emails and often while I'm writing them the voice clicks in. I begin to understand from where these characters are coming. Aisha doesn't walk around thinking "I'm black" any more than Duffy walks around thinking "I'm white." Yet you better believe it's a huge factor in how she sees herself, especially living in a place like Billings, where almost everyone is white. But my point is, she doesn't have my inner voice as I try to understand "blackness." She has her own inner voice, which I need to find. </div>
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What do you think? Are there dangers in writing across race? Sexuality? Gender? Mental Illness? What does a writer need to keep in mind? Or is this just a bunch of gobbledygook?</div>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-23739377460315700832012-05-22T07:13:00.000-07:002012-05-22T08:20:29.512-07:00Listen Up!I admit it: I've been Halien-ized. Not since my utter obsession with the new wave group Missing Persons and perhaps my fascination with Aimee Mann in the late 90s/early 00s have I been quite like this about a singer/group. There are plenty of groups and artists I love: I'm a huge fan of Ben Folds and Rufus Wainwright. I adore the Scissor Sisters and Mika. I have loved James Taylor, the Eagles, and Fleetwood Mac for more than 30 years. But this. This is different.<br />
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I'm not sure I fully understand. I mean, yes she's a beautiful 21 year old with an amazing voice. Yes, she seems to be a particularly good soul (I've watched a LOT of interviews at this point). She has great poise. She's a throwback to music I loved (Motown/Girl Groups). But I'm a 41-year-old gay male. This feels ... odd. Am I attracted to her? Yes! But I think what I'm attracted to is her spirit.<br />
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Anyhow, after a long wait her debut CD has arrived. As you might imagine, I pre-ordered it and downloaded it last night as soon as it was available. As you also may have imagined, I've done everything I can to hear snippets of each of the songs already.<br />
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But listening to the entire CD is a different experience. This is what I can tell you:<br />
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It is perfect. From the opening bars of "Oh My," which sounds like a combination of a steamy August night in New Orleans and something pulled from a James Bond film from the 70s, to the gorgeous "Walking on Heaven," which may be the best Mariah Carey song not sung my Miss Mariah, there is no filler here. Just one great melody after the next.<br />
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Here's "Oh My." It features a rap by B.o.B. which fits the song well and is clearly Interscope's attempt to create some buzz for an artist who surely deserves it.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/COZrYOh-nRc" width="420"></iframe><br />
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The single, "Free," is a terrific mid-tempo track that showcases Haley's voice nicely. That said, it's also the only song she did not have a hand in writing, and it's the only track that lacks a strong hook, making it an interesting choice for a lead single. Better perhaps might have been "Wasted Tears" or "Hit the Ground Running," which sound like updated takes on The Supremes, or "Undone," a stunning ballad that is reminiscent of "Someone Like You" by Adele.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/hPsD3c9Islg" width="560"></iframe><br />
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So far the reviews have been extremely positive, but Haley has an uphill battle to climb. The Idol moniker actually works against an artist like Haley in some ways. She's not a cookie cutter pop star. She doesn't fit into any particular mold, although if she did it might be a combination of Adele, Amy Winehouse, Duffy, and Bruno Mars. Not a bad combination in today's pop world, but those artists in some ways go against the mold of what plays on Top 40 radio these days.<br />
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It will be interesting to see if this CD soars based on the fact that it's too good not to. Unfortunately, there have been plenty of amazing CDs in the last decade that have gone unnoticed. Time will tell.<br />
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Buy it. If you like good pop music, you will love it. I promise.Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-75071327383010620392012-04-30T07:36:00.000-07:002012-04-30T07:36:04.080-07:00"The Kids These Days"Contrary to the title, this posting is not about how I used to trudge four miles to school through the snow, and how "The Kids These Days" don't know how good they have it.<br />
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Instead, I want to focus on something that I feel "The Kids These Days" don't have. Something that makes me feel a little sad for them.<br />
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I was watching a television show called "The B**** In Apartment 23" last week. There are a TON of jokes in that show. Pound for pound, there are more things to laugh at in that half hour than there were in four episodes of, say, The Cosby Show or even Seinfeld, from back when I was younger. Maybe four is too conservative. Ten times as many. It's like a machine gun full of barbs. Bang bang bang bang bang. Bang.<br />
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But when the show was over, I turned off the TV feeling curiously empty. It was like each of the rapid-fire jokes had sort of hit a mark and then floated away into the ether. I thought: How is it possible that a show with so much humor could leave me with so few memorable lines? Seriously, it's clever. And I can't remember a single line.<br />
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I don't think this is because I am 41 and I can't remember shit anymore.<br />
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Instead, I think I don't remember any of it because current society is devoid of cultural markers. Meaning, the sitcom has lost its meaning. Many forms of entertainment have.<br />
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When I was younger and I watched an episode of The Golden Girls (can you believe that I turned out gay?), I knew my friend Adam was watching it. So were a lot of the other kids in school. There may have been only six really funny lines in the episode, but those funny lines remained with us. We whispered about them in homeroom. We giggled about them in the back of the room during Algebra.<br />
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Granted, I'm not in high school anymore. But here's what I wonder. Maybe TKTD (The Kids These Days) can tell me: In a world with countless entertainment choices and various media, what connects us today? What cultural markers do we have?<br />
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I have heard people talking about reality shows, so I do think those are one thing that connect people in terms of entertainment. But what else do we all have in common now? Is it viral videos shared on Facebook? Is it "Memes" on Memebase or Tumblr? Is this our common language and experience that bonds us?<br />
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If it is, fine. I am no better to judge the cultural markers of our teens than my parents were when I was 15 and they were saying, "There are too many bands these days. Back when I was a kid, there were many fewer and we all knew them. What's an INXS?"<br />
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They were wrong (at least to me they were), and perhaps I am wrong today. But I feel concerned that our culture is becoming ... less impactful? More transient? It's hard for me to put this into words, and I am a writer.<br />
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But here's the question for my young friends, TKTD: In 20 years, what will we look back upon as the markers of your teen years? What is happening in culture today that will still be remembered when you're my age?<br />
<br />Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-86243321152579350142012-04-29T07:29:00.000-07:002012-04-29T07:29:10.422-07:00HypnotistI saw a show last night where a guy named "<a href="http://www.myabcspace.com/drmort/" target="_blank">Dr. Mort</a>" hypnotized people. <div>
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I've always wanted to see a show like that. I find the idea of hypnotism intriguing. </div>
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I have to say, the show was an odd experience for me. Like most of the audience, I found it entertaining. But I also left feeling a bit ... troubled.</div>
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He started the show with an experiment. We were all supposed to close our eyes and he talked us through imagining that we had a heavy book in one hand and a helium balloon attached to our other wrist. When we opened our eyes, many of us had raised one hand, and lowered the other.</div>
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Man, I tried. I tried so hard to concentrate on the sound of his voice. But that's the thing about me. Here is ten seconds of me concentrating on Dr. Mort's voice:</div>
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"You feel the weight of the book in your left hand. It's like a dictionary. It's getting heavier..."</div>
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(Do I have a dictionary? Where is my dictionary? Oh my God! I've moved so many times and I don't have a dictionary! Stop it. Left hand. Heavy. Okay. Okay. Listen. Stop thinking, stop thinking.)</div>
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"Now imagine a balloon is attached to your right wrist. It's filled with helium."</div>
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(How would I attach a balloon to my wrist? Would I be able to do that with one hand, or would I need to ... shut up, Bill. Just stop. Listen! Right wrist. Balloon. Light. Yes! That's it! Feel it, light balloon. Cindy Lightballoon! Wasn't she a character on Arrested Development? I can't wait for the movie next year. I hope a lot of people will see it ... oh no! Right. Right wrist. Damn it.)</div>
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Suffice it to say I was not one of those with one arm up and one arm down.</div>
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About 14 people took the stage, including my Chuck. I was SO proud of him for putting himself out there, and I really hoped he'd be able to lose himself in the experience and do it. Alas, no such luck. I wonder if it wasn't on stage if he might have been successful. Oh well.</div>
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It was clear to me that some of the people weren't hypnotized and were trying to be polite and not make waves by just sitting up there. I felt bad for them, because that's how I would have handled it, and I would have felt awkward. A few others, it seemed to me, were mugging for attention. I didn't believe they were really hypnotized because they were acting really exaggerated and once in a while they'd look at the audience and smile. </div>
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But then there were about half of the people up there who were in a different category.</div>
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I admit it. I was dubious. I find it much easier to believe in psychics somehow than in the idea that a person can go into a deep sleep and act in certain silly ways on a stage.</div>
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But then that belief came up against some pretty heavy walls.</div>
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I talked to a guy afterward who had put band-aids on his face every time Dr. Mort touched his face. He had them on when he woke up, and I am absolutely certain he didn't know that he had done that. He looked truly disoriented when he was awoken. And then there was a good friend of mine who was perhaps the "star" of the show, doing a quite convincing burlesque dance, a great Elvis impersonation... it was shocking to me.</div>
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After, when I asked him if he knew what he had just done, he said, "Yeah. I watched a show." When he started to see videos (his son took some, and so did I), he pretty much freaked.</div>
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But the absolute kicker for me was this. Mid-way through the show, Dr. Mort suggested to the hypnotized volunteers that any time he blew into the microphone, they would jump up because the seat they were in would get red-hot. After this, he did not mention this again. Half the show happened.</div>
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Once everyone was awake and back in their chairs, he blew into the microphone. That moment, seven people, disbursed throughout the audience, jumped out of their seats.</div>
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They looked dazed and confused. My friend, who was sitting in front of me, turned around to me and said, "Did you just do something to my seat?"</div>
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When Dr. Mort did it again, my friend got annoyed. "That's not funny," he said, under his breath. He didn't get what was going on. It was crazy.</div>
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So I left feeling entertained but also confused. How did that really work? How do you wake someone up from hypnosis and still have them react to your suggestions? How could you not remember dancing like Elvis Presley on stage in front of 50 people?</div>
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And why is it that I am not open to subliminal suggestion? Dr. Mort talked about that time in the morning when we're awake but not quite awake yet, and everyone nodded their heads. I was like, what time? What are you talking about? He talked about the times we drive somewhere and we don't remember driving. I was like, huh? That has never, ever happened to me.</div>
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I am going to guess my conflicted feelings about this are all about control. I think it's the same reason I'm not a drug addict or a drunk. I am terribly afraid of not being able to "control" my mind. Of losing control of my body and/or mind. It's something I would like to change about myself. It would be nice to be able to volunteer at a show like that and be open to those subliminal suggestions.</div>
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Maybe next time.</div>
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</div>Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-77371520258260537452012-04-11T07:15:00.001-07:002012-04-11T07:15:30.151-07:00Writing to MusicI love to let songs not just inspire me to write, but inspire the direction in which I take characters.<br />
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I've done this on three novels thus far. In Out of the Pocket, I used the Mika song "Any Other World" to define for me some of the pain that my protagonist, Bobby Framingham, was going through. I played it over and over as I wrote and revised that novel, and every time it brought me to what is to me the climactic scene in that book - the scene at China Cove Beach on Halloween night.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/p8yMI03q17g" width="420"></iframe><br />
(The video is unofficial, by the way. Just wanted you to hear the song).<br />
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Do you hear the sadness and betrayal in that song? It just about tears my heart out every time I hear it.<br />
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"'Cause it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man/<br />
Say goodbye, to the world you thought you lived in.<br />
Take a bow, play the part/<br />
Of a lonely, lonely heart.<br />
Say goodbye, to the world you thought you lived in."<br />
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This character is, to me, angry at God. He cannot accept what has befallen him. He wants to leave this world. And then those violins jump in and they are so violent, like waves. I truly felt this song was about Bobby.<br />
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<i>"The freezing air and water brought moisture to my face. Mucus dripped from my nose to my lips. My sinuses burned, and I felt the wetness in my eyes that had been so dry.</i><br />
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<i>And the first tear fell.</i><br />
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<i>My eyes flooded with them and I screamed as loud as I could scream.</i><br />
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<i>I charged blindly into an oncoming wave, breaking it with my bare chest as best I could before it flung me back toward the shore, frigid salt water rolling over my head, mocking me."</i><br />
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Do you feel his anger at the betrayal of his life? How unfair it is that all of this has happened to him, how he rails against nature and life? That's where this song took me. That's where it took Bobby.<br />
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In the as-yet-unpublished adult literary novel FATHER, SON, AND HOLY BUDDHA, I used the old Eddie Rabbitt song "Driving My Life Away" to help me unpack the inner voice of the compulsive gambling father on-the-run. I cannot tell you how many times I listened to this song while writing this book. Even the nuances of Eddie Rabbitt's vocal can be found in Hal. But mostly it's the theme of avoidance.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_tvEvBUG8mY" width="420"></iframe><br />
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<i>"<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Come on, this is an
adventure, he thought, as he crossed the bridge, the city twinkling its lights
at him from the south, willing himself to feel enthusiastic. You should feel
free right about now, dangerously, perilously free, with the spinning of the
brain, the skull pounding. He didn’t feel that way today. Turning up the radio,
he just wanted the songs to be the soundtrack of his life. He wanted Eddie
Rabbit.</span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Ooh, I’m driving my life away<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Looking for a better way<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> For me<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i>Instead he got
Fleetwood Mac, lyrics that had nothing to do with him at all.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Thunder only happens when it’s
raining<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Players only love you when they’re
playing<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Women, they will come and they will
go<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> When the rain washes you clean
you’ll know<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i>He liked the song,
though, and he found himself singing along, his voice straining to reach the
high notes. Thankfully his Audi’s windows were tinted. This was not a look he
wanted to share with the world, him screeching along with Stevie Nicks as he
cruised the Bridge’s upper level.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Dreams of loneliness like a
heartbeat drives you mad<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> In the stillness of remembering<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> What you had<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> And what you lost<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> And what you had<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> And what you lost<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>(a flashback to a memory about his ex-wife)...</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i>And these memories made
Hal smile, a strange smile, his lips trembling ever-so-slightly as if the smile
muscles had atrophied. Driving, he strained his face up and slightly to the
right, and stole a glance in the rearview mirror. He hadn’t seen himself smile
in a while, and he wanted to see, wanted it to comfort him.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i> What he saw was a man cringing. And then he had to look
away because he felt his car veering out of lane. He looked away from his
cringe, righted the car’s course.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i> That was a little
too close, he thought." </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i>--</i></span></div>
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Those are two examples of songs impacting character. But for me it's not always a linear connection. In writing my most recent novel, about an openly gay kid from Boulder, Colo., who is tired of being seen as solely "a gay kid," a very odd juxtaposition arrived. Those of you who know me know that I am a Ben Folds/Aimee Mann kinda guy. I like good, smart singer-songwriters who understand melody. But somehow I found myself listening to an acid house track called "Fire" by Scooter.</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/r32LcBqiv7I" width="560"></iframe></div>
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<span style="line-height: 32px;">This track doesn't at all describe my protagonist, Rafe. Instead, if sort of describes what is lacking in Rafe: the ability to shake it all out and let go. This is not his only challenge nor is it the biggest part of his character, but it was so important in writing his voice for me to understand what he's holding in -- his emotions, his sadness, even some of his joy. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 32px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 32px;">And all of that developed because I listened to music. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 32px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 32px;">Try it some time, writers! If you're like me, you won't be able to write a single word WHILE listening to music (anything with lyrics, anyway). I cannot do it. But once I turn a character-influencing song off, my fingers seem to know what to type.</span></div>
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<br />Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7359780094507556325.post-60894694734188614912012-04-09T16:57:00.001-07:002012-04-09T17:35:48.701-07:00Bully<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBwORkPucOx72WHO8u7YgkZiBI41aoOmm6R6UhZFLI6QXGuySfB5JI1RZyCWlDA2fsJm8oAB3D8uUtcwQ-8kLrmcwPr5jXVuPmwQVQh2Hg4k8B5C_jMGDzu3KTPCzNhQ-1ubRt9NRZWg/s1600/bully-movie-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBwORkPucOx72WHO8u7YgkZiBI41aoOmm6R6UhZFLI6QXGuySfB5JI1RZyCWlDA2fsJm8oAB3D8uUtcwQ-8kLrmcwPr5jXVuPmwQVQh2Hg4k8B5C_jMGDzu3KTPCzNhQ-1ubRt9NRZWg/s320/bully-movie-poster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I can't wait to see the movie <a href="http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html" target="_blank">Bully</a> when it is released nationwide on April 13th. I think it's beautiful that as a society we are talking about bullying in ways we didn't 20 or 30 years ago. Back then, bullying was a fact of life, and I don't remember widespread discussion of the impacts of bullying on, well, anything. So to me this is a great example of how our society is getting better, smarter.<br />
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Similarly, I love the "<a href="http://www.itgetsbetter.org/" target="_blank">It Gets Better</a>" project. I recently watched a YouTube clip of BYU students talking about what it's like to be gay at a university considered to be among the most unfriendly to LGBT students, if not the worst.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Ym0jXg-hKCI" width="560"></iframe><br />
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That's powerful stuff. The bravery of those students amazes me. And I have to believe that it DOES get better. For all of us, Mormons included.<br />
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While I am not Mormon, I am proof of how much better things get. When I was in high school, I mostly wanted to die. Most days. I was different and other kids teased me and it hurt. Really bad. All these years later, I like who I am. I like the ways in which I am different, and I like and value the fact that I am kind. Kindness wasn't so important in 11th grade. At 41, it's pretty much everything.<br />
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It took a lot of work and feeling a lot of pain to get here. So if I had any advice for a young person who feels hurt, who feels bullied, it is this:<br />
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Welcome the pain. Do not swallow it. Treat the anger and sadness and all of those horrible feelings like guests in your house. They don't have to be guests you like. But you have to welcome them in. Because they're going to stay there with you, like it or not. The only difference is when you welcome them, they'll eventually move on. If you fight the feelings, they'll fight back. They'll dig in their heels and decide they live there.<br />
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I know this may sound strange, but I have found it to be true in my life. Surrender and acceptance are two of the most important lessons we can learn. You feel heartbroken because someone just made a fool out of you in the hallway at school? Go home and have a good cry. Bang a pillow. Scream if you have to. But feel it. Getting threatened or harassed because you are gay or maybe just seem gay? Cry that pain out, baby! You are not alone, but none of that matters if you don't accept the fact that it hurts like hell.<br />
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My point is this: It is wonderful that we now are talking about the fact that bullies are generally fearful people, that they are weak. It's good to know they don't like themselves and that they go after weakness in others to feel better about themselves.<br />
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It's even better to know that we're mobilizing as a society, and there may now be adults you can talk to about being bullied, people who can help you and protect you. Use those resources. That's what they are there for. My only point is this: While you're out there battling, don't forget to feel.<br />
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Like it or not, that's part of the battle.<br />
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<br />Bill Konigsberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01251624262455449499noreply@blogger.com0