The folks at Sketchers claim that by wearing these exceedingly uncomfortable looking shoes, you will improve your fitness and get shapely looking legs.
I've done a little sleuthing, and have come up with THE REAL STORY behind shape-ups: they are part of a long-term terrorist plot by the North Koreans, who are bent on taking over this country.
Disclaimer: I could find no proof that these shoes were made in Pyongyang. On the other hand, I was not able to find any proof, through a quick google search, that they weren't, and in journalism today, that's considered ample research.
Here's their sinister plan:
1) They distribute the sneakers throughout America, promising increased fitness, questionable style, and dubious comfort. Americans, long intrigued by the idea of getting fit by sitting on their couch in uncomfortable sneakers, buy them up.
2) A generation of Americans begin to develop convex feet.
3) Through evolution and breeding, three generations from now, a generation of rocking chair people will rise up in our country.
4) Once that has happened, the North Koreans will launch a ground attack. When our army comes to our defense, the North Koreans will poke them, causing our soldiers to rock back and forth.
5) While our soldiers are weebling, the North Koreans will plunder, rob, and claim our territory as their own.
Please, America: Don't let this come to pass! Remember that an effective army requires relatively flat feet.
I'll stick with my New Balances, thank you very much! Note the word Balance.
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