Being a writer means being a waiter. And not in the same way that being an actor means being a waiter.

While you might find yourself serving food to strangers (btw: ask me sometime for the story of what made me the world's WORST waiter), I'm mostly referring to the time you'll spend waiting to hear from agents and editors re: your manuscripts.

I have gotten a lot better about this in the past few years. Here are some of my secrets:

1) Create dolls that look like said agents and editors. When you are particularly bored, put them in funny positions. When you are worried, create tableaus with them doing things like fawning over your manuscript.

2) Eat lots of oranges. Like, a ton. When your tongue gets ulcerated on the left side, spend lots of time rubbing the ulceration with your molar. This won't be fun, but you'll almost certainly forget that you're waiting to hear from your agent/editor.

3) Keep a grooming journal, with color-coated entries describing, in detail, the various ways you groom. For instance, green entries might describe cuticle care. Orange might be ear de-waxing/de-hairing. Be meticulous.

4) Make someone else wait. Offer a service to a poor person in need, something elemental that they need, like food or clothing, and then stall. When they send e-mails (or come to your door, starving and cold and naked), do not answer. Stand at your window, staring at them. Not with derision, not angrily. Just stare blankly. While the poor person is sleeping, deliver to them many possible cures for erectile disfunction, along with notes from Nigerian aristocrats offering them five million dollars if they'll just send in their social security numbers.

OK, I kid. I have actually gotten a lot better with waiting, and here are some REAL ways I've done that.

1) Forget it. Absolutely the best thing you can do. Forget that you've sent something in. Start writing something new. The biggest mistake you can make as a writer is to stop writing while waiting. Yes, you may have to put your new project on hold when your agent/editor gets back to you with suggested edits. But at least you'll have accomplished something, and always remember: a writer writes.

2) STOP WORRYING. You know the saying: There's nothing to fear but fear itself. This is such a cliche, yet it's so true. If you think about it, there's nothing to worry about. You can go into a waiting situation with the idea that if your agent/editor doesn't like what you've done, your life/career is over. This is a fallacy. Have a little faith, in God, if you believe, or at least in yourself. If you believe in what you're doing, is it that much of a stretch to believe that the right thing will happen, at the right time? It could be disappointing if your agent/editor doesn't care for what you've done. But it's hardly the end. The right agent/editor will like what you've done. And if you've already found the right agent/editor, the worst thing that can happen is that you'll have more work to do. Agents/editors are usually right. Sometimes they aren't, but usually they are. That's why they make the big bucks.

3) When you feel like sending a reminder note, don't. Instead, go out and take a walk. They haven't forgotten you. They are swamped with work, and are doing things the best they can. When you feel like sending a reminder note for the second time, go work out. A third time (if it's been at least a month since the first time, preferably two), you may send a very upbeat, short note that includes the phrase "I'm sure you're swamped." In the note, ask for a timeframe. Agents/editors are humans. They don't like to be bothered by nervous writers, but one (only one) note after several months asking for a timeframe is probably okay.